A Mother's Prayer Companion: A Review

I first heard about it on Facebook. 

An old Ann Arbor friend, Christa, recommended A Mother’s Prayer Companion, created by a friend of hers from Franciscan University of Steubenville. Right off the bat I could see it had to be a good recommendation. Christa (whose recommendations in the past had been so spot on*) and FUS (my alma mater). I checked out the link. 

After perusing the website, filling a basket, then backing away while I doubted myself (“Would I just use it for a few days and then forget about it? Would it end up a pretty binder and a good idea, but no follow through on my part?”), I finally bought it. 

I was very excited when I got it. I put together the binder and got a pen and pencil case to fit it and found the perfect place for it—on a little table, next to a comfy chair that I had just moved into my bedroom to be my little prayer corner. 

I think it took a few days to actually sit down and use it. 

At first, I read through the pages-- one for Jim, one for each of the kids and one for me. For each person there were spots to write down gifts that I am thankful for and intentions. I wondered if I should write it in pencil, in case I make a mistake (like I could make a mistake about what to pray for?!!). Or should I find colored pens to make it all pretty? (No, that was too much pressure). 

Instead I filled out the “other intentions” page…that was easy. Black pen felt bold and confident, but I did it anyway. 

There, I was ready to pray. I just read through each page, stopping to fill in the blanks in my head. The prayers were what my Catechetics professor would have called “Scripture speak”. Verses from the Bible, slightly altered so that they made sense as a prayer. The citations were there and I looked up a few. But mostly I just read through each one, inserting the correct name and intentions and gifts. 

I was hooked. I finally felt like I was DOING something about all the things that swirl in my head—Will this child ever get over that issue? Will that child ever find his/her place in life? How do I help that child develop that gift? How can I help Jim with work? 

After about a month I began to write down intentions (in pen), and soon I was writing the answers to some of those prayers on the blank page opposite! 

I also wrote down gifts to be thankful for, including those little characteristics that are trying now, but you know are really a future gift in the making (her intensity, his entrepreneurial spirt, her single mindedness). 

Although I can’t say I use it everyday, and I often forget to bring it to adoration, it is my place to go when I feel myself fretting, and it is my anchor when I don’t “feel” like praying, or I am so distracted I feel like I “don’t have time” to pray. It has become such an integral part of my prayer life that I began to wish my kids could hear me pray some of these words: 

I praise you Lord, for (fill in the name) is fearfully and wonderfully made. 

What kid wouldn’t love to hear their mother say that about them? So I took parts of the prayers and copied them onto another page and began to pray aloud over each of my kids at bedtime. It was already our routine for me to pray something, like the Memorize, over them as I said good night, so this was easy to substitute once in a while. Then it became a nightly thing. 

They loved it! I could see my youngest grin at me in the darkness as I said the words. My boy would cuddle down deep and lean into me while I prayed over him. 

After a few months of this, my boy asked if he could pray over me. To my surprise he had it memorized perfectly. He put in “Mama” wherever I usually said their names. Now I was the one grinning in the darkness and leaning in to cuddle a little. 

After all of this, it was a no-brainer this past Christmas to buy one for my sister, sisters-in-law, and my mother. 

If I could buy one for every Mama I know, I would. Instead I write this, so you might go check it out and get one for yourself (or any Mama you know).

*About 16 years ago I showed Christa the online profile of a man named Jim, and she confirmed that I should write to him, and the rest is history.

Reflecting On A Happy Death

Back in 2003, shortly after the crash of the Space Shuttle Columbia, I wrote this short article about the Catholic teaching on death. It was brought to mind this morning by a tragic event in our local Parish. Yesterday afternoon, Deacon Mike Mims lost his life in a helicopter accident. Though we did not know him in a personal way, he was obviously a man who knew, loved, and served God in this life. We know only the barest of facts from the tragic crash that claimed his life, but the circumstances suggest that the Deacon may have had some awareness of what was about to happen to him, and this gives us some hope, as I have explained in the article that follows. As we mourn the loss of his presence in our parish and we pray for the comfort of his family, we can also reflect on our own impending death. 

“60 seconds of fear”

When I saw the headline declaring that the Columbia crew may have had as much as one minute knowing what would happen before their ship exploded, my Catholic mind sighed with relief. But this was not the response of the writer of the article, or of the world. Why is this? Is it because I am some sort of masochistic fanatic who wants others to suffer? Or is it because the world has little idea of the importance of those last sixty seconds before death. 

Happy Death

Catholics have a habit of praying for a happy death. For a long time, growing up, I thought this meant a painless death, one with little suffering. But this is far from the truth. The truth is closer to what a good friend used to say: the best way to die would be on a plane you knew was going down sitting next to a priest. In the Catholic mind, a happy death is one in which we have the opportunity to meet death with a willing heart, and a recently cleaned soul.

Suffering is Good

It is common for the loved ones of those who have died to console one another with the fact that the deceased “didn’t suffer”, “went quickly” or “died in their sleep”. And in many ways these phrases can be comforting. No one wishes that a loved one will suffer. However, imagine that loved one has things in his life that he regrets but has never asked for forgiveness. Or perhaps he has behaviors and habits that turn him from God and he has stubbornly held onto them. 

Let’s face it, none of us is without sin, and all of us have neglected our relationship with God in some way or another. It is only in this life that we can freely turn to God and ask for healing and forgiveness. Once we have died, our fate is sealed. 

We all know that we will one day die, but seldom do we have a chance to know ahead of time when that will be. Most of us imagine, or at least hope, that we will die at a ripe old age, after those final years of contented retirement during which we spent a lot of time in contemplative prayer. 

Necessary Things

However, our death could come today, tomorrow, in ten years, 30 years…or in 60 seconds. Think of the great gift of one small minute when an untimely death comes upon us. In that sixty seconds I can quickly bring to mind the ways in which I have offended God, and ask him for forgiveness. I can recite the Act of Contrition—a perfect formula for getting right with God. I can even offer my suffering, both mental and physical, in reparation for my sins or for a loved one whom I will leave behind. 

Sixty seconds could be enough to get me a free pass straight to heaven, without a moment’s lingering in purgatory. Not only should we thank God when others have had those final moments, but we should pray that we, too, have the gift of time to face death willingly, and with true contrition for our sins. And perhaps a little final suffering would come in handy…but only if necessary. 

Dear St. Joseph, Patron of a Happy Death, pray for us

The Fall Festival Problem

So modern man

one day--any day--gets up and says, "Let's celebrate!" And without any warrant, he decrees that his town from now on will have a festival on, let's say, August 18th; and as he can dance and eat and drink on any day between January 1st and December 31st, the most he will experience is "a good time." But he will never be able to "celebrate a feast."

(From Around The Year With The Trapp Family by Maria Augusts Trapp )

I love fall. And I love the idea of visiting a cider mill (like I did once in Michigan) or heading to an apple orchard (like we did in northern California), or even the occasional pumpkin patch with the big corn maze (well, maybe not the maze, that included lots of tears). 

However, I have become increasingly saddened at the Fall Festivals at Saint So-and-So's that dominate the local events calendars. 

Why are Catholic parishes always putting all of their celebration momentum into a fall festival complete with pumpkins, scarecrows and even haunted houses (I once helped build one of those at my parish festival some 30 {gasp!} years ago!)...especially when we have the perfect fall FEAST to celebrate?

Why are we not having huge All Saint's Day celebrations? We could still have games and rides and raffles and raise money. We would just do that with a focus on the saints. 

You see, as Catholics we have such a great heritage of celebration and yet we seem to forget this when everyday parish life sets in. 

Nobody could stand a Thanksgiving Day dinner every day of the year. There

can only be mountains if there are also valleys....that wonderful, eternal rhythm of high and low tide that makes up the year of the Church: times of waiting alternate with times of fulfillment, the lean weeks of Lent with the feasts of Easter and Pentecost, times of mourning with seasons of rejoicing. Modern man lost track of this.

(From Around The Year With The Trapp Family by Maria Augusts Trapp )

I did a little Google search and found a couple of parishes who have had an All Saint's Day Fall Festival in the past, but I couldn't tell how focused on the Faith it was. To be honest, I can't recall even one of the many parishes I have attended making a big deal of their patron saint's feast day, or of their patronage at all. I can remember doing some things at one of the parish Catholic schools where I worked, but even then, it was downplayed. The patrons were martyrs and the teachers were concerned that the stories (even explaining the reason for the red uniforms) was too gruesome to mention to the kids. 

Our current parish mentions their patron at the end of every homily and often at the end of daily Mass, which is great! But there was very little (if anything) done to celebrate his feast day. Yet, they have a big Fall Festival which occupies lots of time and energy from parishioners and from the school. I am sure it brings in money as well. Yet I still don't understand, outside of the money, what is the point? 

It would be so easy to transform the Fall Festival into and All Saint's Day Festival. Back in the day, when I worked at the Spiritus Sanctus Academy in Ann Arbor, Michigan, the school had an All Saint's Day festival. It was held in the school gym and the games all had clever saint names and themes like St. Peter's Fishing Pond, or St. Francis of Assisi Shooting Gallery (just kidding...maybe it should be St. Francis's Petting Zoo?), and the kids dressed as their patron saints, and candy was the prize at most of the games. There was usually a parade and some prizes for the best costumes. 

All of those things could happen at a parish All Saint's Day celebration. The day could start early with the St. Teresa of Avila Mud Run. A special Mass including the Litany of the Saints could be followed by St. Matthew's Silver Dollar Pancake breakfast. 

Then the Festival would begin. In addition to the games (like St. Bernadette's Sweeping Contest or St. Philomena's Dunk Tank), just think of all the great ethnic food that could be served thoughout the day in the name of various saints! St. Stanislaus' Kielbasa, St. Anthony's Calzones, St Andrew Kim's Korean BBQ, St. Joan of Arc's Stakehouse (yes, I meant to spell it that way), St. Lawrence's Grill for hotdogs and hamburgers. And each booth could have a brief explanation of the connection to the saint, especially for the less obvious ones. 

Of course, there will have to be a grand procession at some point. And the church could be open all day and maybe special images of the saints placed around the edges, especially if it does not already have many of these. 

Actually, you it doesn't need to be fall to have a proper parish-wide feast! If the parish opts for a fair during some other season, why not make it honor of their patron!

See how easy that was? I can't be the only one who has thought of this. Sure, it can get corny, but that is a fall thing too! 

Why should the St. Joe's Parish Fall Festival look just the same as the one at the local public elementary school? 

Why opt for "a good time" when you can have a FEAST?

What do you think? Does your parish do anything like this? 

DevOps Mom's Way: A Review of The Phoenix Project

I have so many books to read and to write about, but this is perhaps the most surprising one.

A month ago Jim began reading a book about IT (information technology--which is what he does at Chevron) and when I found out it was a novel, I scoffed. Seriously? A novel about IT? Is it a joke?

Well no, it wasn't a joke. In fact he said it was quite interesting. So, against all odds, I read it, too.

The book is called The Pheonix Project and it centers around a guy named Bill who is forced into a promotion he doesn't want. He suddenly becomes VP of IT and is given a few months to straighten up all the IT problems that the company has or they will split up the business and out-source IT.

So Bill sets out to fix things and finds it is worse than he thought. He is dealing with four entities: the business folks (the people directly responsible for the product that the business sells), the developers (guys who design applications to help the business sell the product), operations (the guys who manage and maintain all the applications and equipment everyone uses to do business), and security (the guys who make sure they don't break laws or get hacked).

What should be happening is that the business folks come up with an idea that will increases sales of their product using technology, the idea goes to the developers who come up with the application to make that idea happen, they hand it off to operations who implement it and maintain it and security makes sure it is all legal and safe.

However, that isn't how it works. It is more like this: business guys have "brilliant" idea (that is at least half impossible), developers promise to make it even more brilliant ignoring the impossible parts, the application is delivered late and full of weak points, operations implements and as things go wrong at the weak points they patch it with duck tape and magic, and security frets nervously about the risks. They are all like one big dysfunctional family and whenever anything fails everyone starts pointing fingers.

Spock is development. Scotty is ops. 

From what I understand this is a pretty accurate picture of IT in most companies.

Just in time, Bill meets a guru of sorts, a guy who is a potential board member and has years of experience in manufacturing, with hands-on experience on the plant floor. Bill is skeptical to say the least--what can a manufacturing guy teach an IT guy. IT is where all the geniuses go right?

But what he learns is that all the technology used by the business to do its business works much like the machines on the floor of the manufacturing plant. And that the process improvements that have been made to manufacturing over the years actually apply to IT.

What eventually happens is IT learns to work together (they merge into what is popularly called DevOps---look it up, you can find youtube videos and conferences all about DevOps) anticipating weak points before the applications go live and actually fixing broken things rather than using duct tape while pointing fingers. And the business folks learn to appreciate the challenges of IT and the value of IT to the company's bottom line.

The book has a happy ending, which is always a plus.

And I not only got a much better appreciation and understanding of what my husband does when he leaves us each day, but I got a lot of food for thought on the topic of process and work. I learned terms like work in progress (WIP--a tidy acronym for all the stuff going on around my house), planned work vs unplanned work (what Mom doesn't get that??), constraints (points where work piles up and sits undone --can anyone say "laundry room"), change management (how we keep up with all the little things we do to maintain a happy healthy home including everything from policing those hotspots--places where messes pile up--to dental check ups, to getting kids from point A to point B on time).

I can see now how that manufacturing plant has a lot to teach me about MY work: which is creating a home in which my family can grow and blossom.

One of the points made in the book that I found very striking was concerning  quality control. The example was a car manufacturer (I think it was Toyota) that had a pull cord at each work center. This cord stopped everything if something was wrong with the piece being made. So, lets say a car door was going through being formed, painted, parts attached to it and at some point something isn't up to snuff. The guy at that work center pulls the cord and all work on the plant floor stops.

When asked how often he thought this happened in a given day Bill thought about 20 times sounded reasonable. However the number was more like 1,000. One thousand times all work comes to a complete halt so that the problem can be fixed. And, in the long run, all those stops pay off in a product of higher quality with much fewer faults at the end of the line.

One thousand tiny interruptions as opposed to any number of giant failures a the end of the line.

When I read this I saw in my minds eye all the times I stop my day to correct a child's behavior, help him come up with a kinder way to approach his sister, help her deal with that frustration in a better way. Far from nagging, these gentle reminders and course corrections are how I help my children grow in virtue.

In fact, I do the same to myself. How many times do I confess the same sins. Each day is a struggle to bring my own selfish impulses under control and focus them on the goal*: the entire Kennedy Family in Heaven.

Pope Francis takes a moment to pull the cord and work on quality control. 

Saints are the product in this little factory. God provides the material and power and we do our best to refine the processes and pull the cord a thousand times a day to start over. Of course, we do that with God's grace too.

I think my attraction to this book is that the author is uncovering truth.

I am fond of making the totally obvious statement: Truth is Truth. It doesn't have to be about God to be universally true (though you can argue that it is all about God, just not always so obviously).

When something is true you can apply it to many different aspects of life.

This book was about IT, but it was about life too.

My life.

That is why I liked it so much.

*By the way, The Phoenix Project was based on a book called "The Goal" which is a novel about the Theory of Constraints. Jim is reading it now and I will read it next.

Forever Connected, On Purpose

Back in 2012 I wrote a quick blog post, called Forever Connected, about a concept that I think about quite often. You can read it yourself, but to sum up I told the story of how an “accident” of time and place meant that I was in close proximity to a man, (a husband, father, police officer) at the moment that he died. I did not see him or know it was happening at the time. But the incident affected my life in a small way that day. And I felt that I had been given a responsibility to pray for him and his wife and kids. I have tried to remember that responsibility often, along with the other people whose deaths I recall but are not family members. 

"None of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself."Rom 14:7.

This morning we (Jim, the kids and I) were talking about the Scrutinies, those rites that happen during Lent and are part of the RCIA process*. (Stay with me…this is connected, I promise). And we decided to look up what the “Scrutinies” actually were. So we read aloud from the rite itself. There were intercessory prayers and prayers of exorcism. Through those prayers we learned that the Scrutinies are meant to be moments of cleansing and conversion for those people who are coming into the Church. They are meant to reflect on their sins and weaknesses and any remaining obstacles to following Christ with their whole being. The rest of the parish is also called to reflect in the same way on our own life with Christ. 

Our discussion then turned to the fact that these people really need prayer during this time, and wouldn’t it be nice if we knew who they were so we could pray for them by name. 

The Children of Fatima
Their story is another influence in our reflection, as a family, on the power of prayer and value of simply offering our little, everyday crosses as a sacrifice and a prayer for those who cannot or will not pray for themselves. 

This reminded me of something I recently did on impulse. One day we were at a weekday Mass, probably a Monday, and in the pew was a small program leaflet from a wedding that took place over the weekend. I started reading it, curious if I could tell anything about the couple from the program. I was searching it for signs that they were tuned into their faith and really understanding what they were being called too in this sacrament. But I really couldn’t tell either way. 

It occurred to me that I should say a prayer for them. And I did. 

Then, when Mass was over, I spontaneously folded the little program and stuck it in my Magnificat. For the rest of the week, whenever I opened my Magnificat at Mass I saw their names on the front of their pink and black program: Kimberly and Myles. I continued to offer little prayers for them. When the next month’s Magnificat came, I moved the program into that one too. 

I think perhaps I am called to pray for them…forever. A lifetime commitment to a pair of total strangers. 

"If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.” 1 Cor 12:26-27.

And now to the idea. I have no sense of whether or not this is a common practice in any parish. Maybe it is an old idea. But we thought it was needed, and a 

ministry that a quiet little, uninvolved, not very socially inclined family like our own could participate in easily. 

What if we had a ministry of prayer for some of the people in the midst of life-altering moments such as marriage, conversion to the Catholic faith, and the Baptism of their first child. 

What if parish members were encouraged to adopt a couple who is married in their parish and commit to praying for them for as long as they can, or for a set amount of time, or for the rest of their lives. The commitment could be put in writing, in some sort of notebook. Or not. 

You could even take an extra step and connect each couple to an adoptive family who would host them for dinner several times over their first year, sharing their family’s life and commitment to Christ with this newly launched family. This would be good for both the just-married and for couples who are bringing their first child for baptism, another threshold moment. 

This sort of ministry would, of course, be helpful for new Catholics during the RCIA process as well as during that Neophyte year (the first year after initiation) and beyond. Those folks would benefit from both specific prayer commitments (anonymous or not) and from various connections to families throughout the parish. 

Back in February, I ranted about the problem with our approach to Catechesis and, well, to quote myself, I said: 

Focus on the core, what Blessed John Paul II called “the primordial sacrament”, marriage. …

and..

One way to do this is to take advantage of threshold moments by making personal connections and providing support, social contexts and educational opportunities. 

And, may I add now, prayer! 

Of course, this doesn’t need to be an organized ministry. Anyone can consult the banns of marriage in their parish bulletin (do they do that in all parishes?) and pick a couple to pray for. I also know many parishes post pictures and or names of the adults who are coming into the Church, so you could choose one for whom to pray. 

But a more formal approach might give more parishioners a real, tangible way to participate in parish ministries when life affords little time, energy, or inclination to do so in the usual ways. 

Of course, the real reason to do this is because prayer works and these people need all the prayers they can get. 

There are moments in life in which we are faced with clear choices, moments when we have a chance to make a fresh start on a path that may be the difference between a life of discipleship or a life of luke-warm faith. Three of those moments that are easily identified by a parish are marriage, the baptism of your child (especially the first), and conversion to the Catholic Faith. 

Here is a way to influence those folks in the right direction--and it costs zero money (unless you buy a notebook to write it in), takes up zero facility space (except the space to store the notebook), and anyone can do it (from the youngest to the oldest, the least talented to the most, the extreme introvert to the social animal). 

What do you think? Does your parish do anything like this? Am I just re-inventing the wheel? 

*RCIA stands for Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults and is the way that non-Catholic adults become Catholic. The Scrutinies are prayers and such done at Mass for three Sundays leading up to the Easter Vigil when those folks receive the sacraments and are formally grafted onto the Catholic Family tree. 

"Let's Just Stop Catechizing Children!"

In Part 1 of my series of rants and ramblings on the state of religious education in the Catholic Church in America, I confessed where I was coming from and tried to explain my negative attitude while at the same time not making people in the official trenches feel hopeless. I hope I accomplished that. I also noted that I WAS in the trenches myself, and that my husband and I are catechizing our little corner of the parish the way the Church meant them to be catechized. In the home. 

So now I want to turn to what I think is actually happening in the parishes, based on my reading and observation, and maybe get to some ideas of what we might do better…or stop doing…or do over. We’ll see…

For the past 30 years at least, the way faith formation appears to work in the average parish is that we spend most of our time and resources on gathering children, as early as possible, into groups and catechizing them according to the general developmental state of that age group. Most parishes in this country use the model of the average American school, plugging in the Sacraments to the general age level that the diocese suggests: baptism = infant; Confession and Eucharist = Second Grade; Confirmation = all over the map but usually high school. Add to these programs Youth Ministry (which may be more catechetical than social, or not). 

If you look at an average Sunday bulletin, the majority of information, especially in the fall and spring, are about faith formation of children and School news. Next, we usually have all the parish ministries: lectoring, choir, social justice, pro-life ministries (which isn't always grouped in with social justice) and fellowship (I am sure there are others I am forgetting). 

We happen to be a part of a parish that has lots of opportunities for Adult faith formation, but for many parishes the least amount of time and resources appears to go to Adult education in the form of RCIA, marriage preparation, other marriage help (marriage encounter, Retrovaile). 

I decided to search out some statistics to see how this structure is working for the Church. According to statistics I found (which seem to ring true with my experience in parishes) more than half of the parishioners are not involved in any of these activities and this particular survey says that 14% are involved in "education or evangelism". I am assuming that this statistic applies mostly to people who are doing the educating and evaligizing, not receiving it. 

I also found a study quoted in this article which says that in the space of ten years there has been a 42% drop in infant baptisms, a 51% drop in adult baptism and a 45% drop in Catholic marriages. Other studies confirmed that somewhere between First Communion Preparation and Confirmation Preparation there is some drop off in attendance. And by the time those Confirmed kids get to college 85% of them have stopped going to Sunday Mass (according to the FOCUS website)

The book I reviewed last month confirmed this grim picture and especially focused on the fact that only a small percentage of those people involved in their parish life are what the author called “intentional disciples”. 

So why is this? I am sure much of it is due to the surrounding culture. Not only do we encounter immorality on TV, in popular movies and music, but we also encounter an attitude that denies objective truth and transcendent realities. The modern mind believes nothing really MEANS anything so you are free to make your own meaning. 

You could also argue that the content of our catechesis is anemic. That was certainly the case when I was growing up (though my elementary school was an exception). But, I think we have greatly improved that situation over the past 20 years. It’s not perfect, but textbooks and catechist training has greatly improved from the hippie peace, love and macramé days. 

So why are things so much worse? I would argue that the real problem is in THE WAY WE CATECHIZE. I mean the STRUCTURES used at the parish level (and driven by the diocese) to pass the Faith on to each generation. 

To begin with, we think too linearly (is that even a word?). We think we need to start with the youngest and move through the ages up to adult. If we get them when they are young, as the adage goes, we will make faithful grownups. Kinda like school. 

In a nutshell, the current model looks something like this (for the moment, I will leave aside the Catholic school aspect): 

Step 1: A child is brought for baptism and parents take a brief course/rehearsal 

Step 2: A certain percentage of those parents bring the child back at about age 6 or 7 and child is put in grade level class. They pass through a class or two and receive Eucharist and Confession. Some continue for awhile after that if there is time in the child's schedule and parent doesn't have to fight too hard to get them there.

Step 3: A certain percent of the parents who went through step 2 bring their child back in time to get Confirmation. A small percentage of those kids get involved in some youth program until High School gets too busy. 

Step 4: A HUGE percentage of the kids confirmed go to college and stop practicing their faith. 

Step 5: A fraction come back and want to get married in the church. 

Step 6: A smaller fraction of that group begin step 1 again. 

This is what the numbers show. We are no longer spinning our wheels. We are sliding backwards. 

This structure is based on the assumption that the best place to catechize the next generation is in the parish hall. And if we only had better textbooks, and thoroughly trained catechists we could transform the parish. 

And parents get this idea that it’s the job of the experts in the parish office to catechize their kids and get them ready for the sacraments. They treat the parish Faith Formation office like a school. “I hand my kids over to you and you educate them. It is my job to get them there and help them with their homework and support the school as much as I can. It is your job to do the rest.”

The problem is that the Faith is not passed on this way. Especially not to children. You don’t become an intentional disciple of Jesus Christ without a personal connection to someone who loves Him and has earned your respect. For children that is primarily their parents. 

So, I propose we need to look at the this completely differently. Parents are so crucial to the faith of the child, but we practically ignore them, especially for those early years when they are meant to be laying the foundation of faith for their young children. 

Here are my ideas: 

Focus on the core, what Blessed John Paul II called “the primordial sacrament”, marriage. The family. The parish is made up of families (not just parents with kids, but marriages without children, and adults in post-marriage (widowed), pre-marriage (single looking to marriage), broken marriage (divorced separated), or those called minister to all the others (discerning vocations, single for life, etc.). If the sacrament of marriage, as foundation of the family, is at the center then everything radiates out from there. 

One way to do this is to take advantage of threshold moments by making personal connections and providing support, social contexts and educational opportunities. 

Threshold moment #1 is the Sacrament of Matrimony. Getting married in the Catholic Church is like making a public declaration of faith in God and the intention to follow Him and His Church.* Lets take them at their word and help them make real connections to their parish. I am thinking of mentoring families (many parishes use this idea for marriage prep, so how can that carry over to the first years of marriage as well), retreats meant for newlyweds, learning opportunities, personal invitations to Mass and other liturgical events. 

Threshold moment #2 is the Sacrament of Baptism. When a couple bring their baby for baptism they are making a commitment, again, to the Catholic Faith. Lets take them at their word and begin immediately to prepare them to bring their baby to Faith. I am thinking connecting them again with mentor families, helping them to form personal, long lasting relationships with other families. Maybe classes in child development from a faith perspective. The Catechesis of the Good Shepherd comes to mind as well. 

Threshold moment #3 First Sacraments. If we have done a good job with the first two thresholds, we should have many more families ready to take this on. Those that haven’t been tuned in for the first years of their child’s life will get the idea quickly that it is their job to pass the Faith on to their child. We just need to help THEM do it. 

I know that most parishes really strive to make the parish a “family friendly” place, but I think they often miss the mark. Imagine if more parishes had frequent celebrations of the feasts and seasons of the year that were both liturgical and social, but less about entertaining kids or raising money for the school. What if every parish had a big celebration on the feast of their name saint that included a liturgy (Mass, processions, singing and decorations) as well as lots of great food (with fun connections to the saint or his life) and some entertainment for all ages (music, a play about the life of the saint)? What if other major feasts were treated in the same way—again, less about raising money and kiddie fun and more about real interaction between the grownups in the parish. 

As you can tell, I am in agreement with Joann McPortland over at Patheos when she said "Let's stop catechizing children." Of course I am in favor of children BEING catechized (as is Joann), but the current school-like format that completely absorbs all the parish funds and energies is NOT working. We need to focus on the grown-ups. 

* I have a mental blog post about this. It is tentatively called What if Getting Married in the Catholic Church was Like Joining the Marines. 

Confessions of a Catechist (Part 1)

NOTE: I wrote this a few months ago, but it sat on my computer because I wasn't sure if it was relevant. But then a firestorm was lit over at Patheos about religious education and I got my courage. This is only a part of what I wrote and it is still long. Sorry. For a list of all of the Patheos blog posts about this subject look at this post and the links at the end of it. 

I hated barbies. 

But I loved baby dolls and playing school. 

I always wanted to be a teacher.

Of course, I always wanted to be a mom too, but being a teacher was more in my control. 

So, in about my second or third year at Long Beach State I set out  to be a teacher. It worked well for me because I could basically continue my eclectic choice of classes, get a degree in "general education" and then get my teaching credential. 

My first job was as a third grade teacher in a public school. One of the big truths I learned about my role as a teacher was taught to me during my first set of parent teacher conferences in that third grade classroom. Each child in my class, with their strengths and weaknesses (as well as I could see them), their attitudes towards learning and towards me, was clearly a reflection of their parents. Each kid began to make sense when I met mom and dad. I learned that I could not overcome any learning difficulties without the super involved help of mom and dad, and I was not in any real way responsible for the learning success of my students. 

The public school experience lasted three years, then I decided to follow my new found interest in my Faith and teach at a Catholic School. There I taught second grade, which meant preparation for First Holy Communion. It was the early nineties.

This is when I first encountered the situation in parish catechesis. I had to work with the DRE (didn't even know what that meant at the time--Director of Religious Education) for the Parish. My first big battles were over Communion in the hand and the song every kid in the parish sang at their First Holy Communion. 

First, I had a student, a boy, who was known by all to be, shall we say, active. His mother felt that he would struggle to receive reverently if he was to receive in the hand. She wanted him to receive on the tongue. Final "ruling": for the sake of conformity at the First Communion ceremony, he would receive in the hand. Then he "had a choice after that". I did not agree but it wasn't my decision to make. 

Second battle: The song sung at the First Communion Mass was some song about peace that never mentioned God, let alone the Eucharist. It was a nice song, I guess. But not, in my opinion, appropriate for First Holy Communion. So, I found a song that went like this: 

I love you Jesus

And I lift my voice

To Worship you,

O my Soul, Rejoice

 

Take Joy, My King

In What you Hear

May it be a sweet, sweet, sound

In Your ear. 

(not sure where I found it and I have never heard it outside that school or my home-my kids sing that song each night as part of their bed time prayers.)

I lobbied for it and it was changed. At least as long as I was there. 

My experience at the Catholic School showed me that the Faith was not being passed on very well and I thought that clearer, more faithful textbooks were the answer. 

So I left my teaching job and headed east to Stuebenville, Ohio to get my Master's Degree in Catholic Theology and certification in Catechetics and, so I thought, to write textbooks.

There I learned my Faith the way I probably should have before I graduated from 12 years of Catholic school. With an MA hanging on my wall, I basically had an adult level understanding of the Faith. 

My teaching experience along with my catechetics training made me a perfect candidate to teach methods courses. For a year I taught undergraduate religious education majors the methods of passing on the faith. Most of these students would go into youth ministry or some sort of parish catechesis. Some would be Catholic school teachers. I really have no idea how much my teaching helped these young people since I had very little contact with anyone after that year. But I do know (from talking to my fellow graduates) that many of them would go out into parishes and feel very isolated and alone in their adherence to the Faith.

From there I went to a job as a DRE for some small Catholic Schools in another state. I was responsible for training the teachers and for helping to integrate the Faith into the daily life of the schools. 

I know we did some really good work while I was there. We came up with a written curriculum plan (I have quite a few copies left if anyone is interested) and we designed our own plan for training the teachers as catechists. Many of the teachers had very little training in teaching the Faith, their focus and experience had been teaching all the other subjects. So we had to bring their knowledge of the Faith up to at least the grade level they were teaching, with hopes of taking it further. And we had to help them distinguish between a subject that was purely academic (math, science, etc) and one that was meant to transform the learner into a true Disciple of Christ. But so many of them, like the catchists in our parishes, had been virtually unchatechized since their own sacramental preparation as a child, and did not truly understand discipleship. They were sincere in their desire to pass on the Faith, but wholly unprepared to do so. 

Over the years between getting my M.A. and being a DRE I had also done some teacher training at the diocesan level, and there I ran into a larger number of people whose real issue was not bringing Christ to the kids in their class, but their own problems with Church teaching. I often felt myself in a hostile environment, not because of the teaching methods I was passing on to them, but because of the content of the Faith they were meant to pass on.

I remember my catechectics professor saying that anyone under the age of 50 had to be entirely re-catechized. That was 15 years ago. I doubt we have successfully recatechized any significant number. 

If I sound negative, I don't mean to be. I really try to be hopeful, especially about the Church. And I was hopeful then-- excited, in love with the idea of really transforming catechesis and lighting a fire in the heart of children and their teachers.  

But I also knew what any savvy catechist knows--if the parents are not actively supporting what you are doing, you are fighting a losing battle. 

I began to see in retrospect that the only really reliable way to pass on the Faith was through the family. We succeeded in the school a little more than the parish faith formation programs simply because of time. It was a mathematical equation. 30 hours a week (in school) could not entirely counteract 168 hours (at home). It might influence it, though. Certainly, 2 hours a week (in parish religious ed) could rarely do either. Even a great parish faith formation program or a great Catholic school is a supplement. 

After I left my job at the Catholic school to get married and have children, I still had my hand in professional catechesis (not necessarily paid, just me going out and speaking or writing because I have training that other people want to legitimately tap into). I did some talks for volunteer parish catechists and a little bit of writing. 

Wherever I went, though, I ran into catechists who struggled with feelings of uselessness and hopelessness. They knew that very few of their students had the support at home to grow in their faith, and that those that did would probably be doing just as well without the CCE class--not that they didn't enjoy it, just that the family life of some was supportive in such a way as to make a 2 hour weekly class practically unnecessary. 

By the time my kids were born I had a very strong aversion to spending my time this way. I wondered why I would want to sacrifice time with my kids to plan and deliver a talk on catechetics to an audience that was either mostly un-interested (if not hostile) OR to folks that were fighting a losing battle in the trenches of parish faith formation? I thought "Sure, I could give them some hope, but someone else without small children could do that just as easily". 

So, for the past decade I have been focused on catechizing my own children. 

And for a long time now, I have had a sinking feeling in my gut that we are fooling ourselves about the success of our programs of catechesis. Now I am trying to be realistic about this one part of the institutional Church (catechetical programs) at this point in time.  

To be clear, I am not without hope. There are many things for which we can rejoice in the Church today. For example, there is a resurgence of religious vocations in some sectors. The Sisters that run the schools that I used to work for are a perfect example. Also, more and more lay folks are producing more and more great materials to facilitate conversion and help people know and understand the teachings of the Church. Perhaps this is why it is so frustrating to watch the institutional Church…the official Catholic bureaucracy...spin their wheels with the same approaches to evangelization and catechesis. 

I have had to really examine this gut feeling of the futility of the vast majority of faith formation programs. I don't like to offend people, I don't want to make someone feel hopeless about their work as a catechist. I don't want to discourage those who so generously give of their time. For me, this is not about the people who catechize; it is not about the content or in-class methodology (though those may need tons of improvement). It is about structures, "programs", bureaucracy, policies. 

In examining my thoughts and feelings about Parish catechesis programs I began to wonder about the thoughts of my former colleagues “in the trenches”. And that led me to the book I reviewed last month. But in the process of that survey of current thoughts on the subject, I began to realize that far from being “out" of the trenches for the past decade, I have been truly IN THE TRENCHES. We, my husband and I, have been experiencing catechesis of children in the way that the Church intends its. 

In the Rite of Baptism for infants, the Church has some strong words for parents: 

You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him (her) in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him (her) up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?

On your part, you must make it your constant care to bring him (her) up in the practice of the faith. See that the divine life which God gives him (her) is kept safe from the poison of sin, to grow always stronger in his (her) heart.

[Parents] will be the first teachers of their child in the ways of faith. May they be also the best of teachers, bearing witness to the faith by what they say and do 

And so we have taken our three baptized babies and made it our constant care to bring them up in the practice of the faith, guarding and growing the divine life that we ASKED the Church to instill in their souls. 

I am not claiming we have done it all right. Our kids are not saints yet, but then again neither are we. But we are working it out, in fear and trembling. And we have learned some things about bringing children to Faith. 

We have learned that we do not APPLY faith to our children like sunscreen, it is God Who moves in them. 

Our job is to help them see that God is moving in them. 

Our job is to bring them into HIs presence as often as possible (Mass, Adoration, Confession, prayer at home, recollecting Christ throughout the day, living the liturgical year)

And our job is to help them understand Who He is, why He created them and what He wants from them. In short, how to be truly happy in this life, and the next. 

None of this takes a Master's Degree in Theology or training as a catechist to do. All that does is sometimes help to answer questions without having to look them up first...sometimes. Rather, it is done through love (no one loves our kids more than we do) and grace (no one else has the grace of a sacrament--Matrimony--to help them raise our children).

Frankly, no one else is better at training our children in the practice of the Faith. 

No one but my husband and I. 

Not the RE teacher, not the DRE, not Sister Mary Wonderful, not the Pastor. 

Not even Pope Francis. 

Not even St. Francis. 

A TWO-FER just for you

Book 1: These Beautiful Bones by Emily Stimpson

I was really excited when I heard about this book. I have always loved learning more about Blessed John Paul II’s teachings on the theology of the body. But most of what I read was often too theological for this former theology student. I couldn’t maintain the focus necessary to slog through it all. 

Also, most of the writing on TOB is focused on the Church’s teachings on Sexuality—which is fine and all, but I guess I felt like I am on board with those teachings and didn’t need to rehash a lot of it. 

At any rate, a book on TOB that professed to be an “everyday theology of the body” seemed perfect. And when I read the chapter headings, I knew I was in for a treat:

• The Joy of Labor, Laundry and Lice: The Theology of the Body and Work
• The Steps Within the Dance: The Theology of the Body and Manners
• The Last and Other Suppers: The Theology of the Body and the Gift of Food

Emily Stimpson has a great style of writing. She is easy to read, always relevant, personal (in a good way) and yet theologically and doctrinally precise enough to not leave you confused. 

I highly recommend this book to all readers from youth on up. Your high school student can benefit,  your college aged child, you, your mother, even your grandmother! And certainly your parish priest or seminarian. In short, read it and pass it on. 

Now for some favorite quotes that will serve to set up my next book review. 

 

“The Theology of the Body is like Hooked on Phonics for the sacramental worldview, offering the contemporary mind a step by step lesson plan for how to read the world rightly once more.” pg 26

Loved this quote. The sacramental worldview is really what makes a uniquely Catholic world view and it is so lost on the modern man. 

"…as the Catholic anthropology of the theology of the body reminds us, man is a union of body and soul, made in the mirage of God. Which means our bodies are us. Your body is you. my body is me." pg 27

Far from despising our bodies, we as Catholics highly respect our bodies, even reverence our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit, Who dwells within us. 

"In all that, the theology of the body offers a resounding response to the modernist lies about the body, helping us see that the body isn’t a piece of matter to be molded, manipulated and used. Rather it’s a gift to be cared for and cherished. The body is us. It reveals our soul to the world, enabling us to love, serve, and give ourselves to others, while, at the same time speaking to the unique splendor of man in the order of creation as the only creature to posses both a material body and an eternal soul." by 36

Molded, manipulated, and used. Isn't that what we see in the culture around us? And does it not lead only to unhappiness and dissatisfaction? Women are especially tempted in this way. If you have ever felt that the particular shape of your body somehow makes you less than you should be, the Theology of the Body is the answer. 

Book 2: Alignment Matters: The First Five Year of Katy Says by Katy Bowman

And now, the unlikely second review: a book that on the surface seems to have nothing to do with Emily Stimpson’s book. In fact, the two online worlds in which I found these two books would seem to have little intersection at all. I doubt Ms Stimpson is a Katy Bowman fan (not that she shouldn’t be, just that she isn’t…yet), nor is Katy likely to be found on the Theology of the Body discussion forums (yet). 

But here they are together on my blog. 

I first came across Katy Bowman via a mommy blog that linked to a mommy blog that talked about PFD (pelvic floor disorder) and why Kegels were NOT the answer. And my first reaction to Katy’s stuff was that it made so much sense. 

Now, although I am a mostly conservative and traditional girl (I mean those here in the most basic way—not politically or liturgically), I tend to love anything that bucks conventional wisdom, yet makes perfect sense. 

And so when I read on Katy’s blog about what heels on shoes do to our feet and how her studies as a “biomechanist”* showed her that the foot was not created to be used the way we use it (stuffed into a shoe on an incline anywhere from 1/4in to 7+in and in a state of non-motion for the greater part of our day). 

Of course, her expertise spreads beyond the feet to the whole body, but my introduction to Katy was mostly via the feet (and the PFD thing too). 

Because of Katy I spend most of my days with pain free feet for the first time in my adult memory. Most of that has to do with my shoe choices these days, but it also has to do with stretches, exercises and ways of moving that I have learned from her. 

This review is as much about Katy, and her blog, and her classes, as it is about her latest book. In fact, it is as much about her first book as it is about this second book (and I think there is a third coming too!). Her writing style is easy to understand, and fun. She cracks me up all the time. And her videos on her blogs inspired me to JUST get it done and not worry about perfection. 

Her first book, Every Woman’s Guide to Foot Pain Relief is a must for anyone who ever has any sort of foot pain (plantar fascists, corns, bunions, heel pain, ankle pain, cramped toes, etc.) but this second book goes way beyond the feet. 

Alignment Matters really is Katy’s blog in book form. It is organized by topics (rather than date) and so makes searching for the information that is most pertinent to you much easier. 

Coming upon Katy and world of alignment and natural movement can be overwhelming, but this book takes all that great stuff and arranges it in a way that helps you to take baby steps—starting on your own journey to better health where ever YOU need to start first!

Now, why, oh why you ask, did you put these two books together. Let me see if I can explain. 

Emily’s book shows us how God reveals Himself and His plan for us in the way He created our bodies. 

Katy’s book (and blog) show us how the way the body was created explains how it is best used. 

Make sense? 

When I came across Katy's blog and the way her study of the human body, from biological and mechanical point of view, helped her to come to conclusions about general health and the diseases that plague us moderns, it changed the way I looked at my own body. And it confirmed for me something that I have believed all of my life, but somehow hadn't taken to the next step. God created my body (and your body and every body) in a certain way knowing full well the sort of environment those bodies would be living in for most of human history. And, though He could see what modern life would be, He knew it would take thousands of years to get there. 

In other words...

your body does not need a chair in order to be at rest. 

your body does not need specialized shoes (that only modern technology could give you) to be properly aligned and protected. 

your body was not designed in need of a 1.5 inch heel.

your body was not made to be still for most of the day (what the heck are all those little muscles for, if not to be used).

you DO use that high school geometry in every day life...you're just doing it wrong. 

If any of this makes any sense to you I highly recommend visiting Katy's Blog. And if you find yourself going from blog post to blog post looking up your particular issues, I HIGHLY recommend getting Alignment Matters. 

Now for a little quiz. Who said these two things? 

“Lectio divina is a way to mediate with the written word….of course, you can always read this way, but what makes it a meditation is that you have chosen a time in which your behaviors match your choice of behaviors exactly….Your body executing your mind’s wishes is mindfulness.”

“Once upon a time, before the automobile, the steam engine and the jet plane people moved every day of their own accord. They had to. Their survival depended on it….Today, however, moving is mostly optional. For many of us the only movement our work requires of us is flapping our lips or tapping our fingers. That is not enough to keep a body fit.” 

If you think you know, leave a comment.