DevOps Mom's Way: A Review of The Phoenix Project

I have so many books to read and to write about, but this is perhaps the most surprising one.

A month ago Jim began reading a book about IT (information technology--which is what he does at Chevron) and when I found out it was a novel, I scoffed. Seriously? A novel about IT? Is it a joke?

Well no, it wasn't a joke. In fact he said it was quite interesting. So, against all odds, I read it, too.

The book is called The Pheonix Project and it centers around a guy named Bill who is forced into a promotion he doesn't want. He suddenly becomes VP of IT and is given a few months to straighten up all the IT problems that the company has or they will split up the business and out-source IT.

So Bill sets out to fix things and finds it is worse than he thought. He is dealing with four entities: the business folks (the people directly responsible for the product that the business sells), the developers (guys who design applications to help the business sell the product), operations (the guys who manage and maintain all the applications and equipment everyone uses to do business), and security (the guys who make sure they don't break laws or get hacked).

What should be happening is that the business folks come up with an idea that will increases sales of their product using technology, the idea goes to the developers who come up with the application to make that idea happen, they hand it off to operations who implement it and maintain it and security makes sure it is all legal and safe.

However, that isn't how it works. It is more like this: business guys have "brilliant" idea (that is at least half impossible), developers promise to make it even more brilliant ignoring the impossible parts, the application is delivered late and full of weak points, operations implements and as things go wrong at the weak points they patch it with duck tape and magic, and security frets nervously about the risks. They are all like one big dysfunctional family and whenever anything fails everyone starts pointing fingers.

Spock is development. Scotty is ops. 

From what I understand this is a pretty accurate picture of IT in most companies.

Just in time, Bill meets a guru of sorts, a guy who is a potential board member and has years of experience in manufacturing, with hands-on experience on the plant floor. Bill is skeptical to say the least--what can a manufacturing guy teach an IT guy. IT is where all the geniuses go right?

But what he learns is that all the technology used by the business to do its business works much like the machines on the floor of the manufacturing plant. And that the process improvements that have been made to manufacturing over the years actually apply to IT.

What eventually happens is IT learns to work together (they merge into what is popularly called DevOps---look it up, you can find youtube videos and conferences all about DevOps) anticipating weak points before the applications go live and actually fixing broken things rather than using duct tape while pointing fingers. And the business folks learn to appreciate the challenges of IT and the value of IT to the company's bottom line.

The book has a happy ending, which is always a plus.

And I not only got a much better appreciation and understanding of what my husband does when he leaves us each day, but I got a lot of food for thought on the topic of process and work. I learned terms like work in progress (WIP--a tidy acronym for all the stuff going on around my house), planned work vs unplanned work (what Mom doesn't get that??), constraints (points where work piles up and sits undone --can anyone say "laundry room"), change management (how we keep up with all the little things we do to maintain a happy healthy home including everything from policing those hotspots--places where messes pile up--to dental check ups, to getting kids from point A to point B on time).

I can see now how that manufacturing plant has a lot to teach me about MY work: which is creating a home in which my family can grow and blossom.

One of the points made in the book that I found very striking was concerning  quality control. The example was a car manufacturer (I think it was Toyota) that had a pull cord at each work center. This cord stopped everything if something was wrong with the piece being made. So, lets say a car door was going through being formed, painted, parts attached to it and at some point something isn't up to snuff. The guy at that work center pulls the cord and all work on the plant floor stops.

When asked how often he thought this happened in a given day Bill thought about 20 times sounded reasonable. However the number was more like 1,000. One thousand times all work comes to a complete halt so that the problem can be fixed. And, in the long run, all those stops pay off in a product of higher quality with much fewer faults at the end of the line.

One thousand tiny interruptions as opposed to any number of giant failures a the end of the line.

When I read this I saw in my minds eye all the times I stop my day to correct a child's behavior, help him come up with a kinder way to approach his sister, help her deal with that frustration in a better way. Far from nagging, these gentle reminders and course corrections are how I help my children grow in virtue.

In fact, I do the same to myself. How many times do I confess the same sins. Each day is a struggle to bring my own selfish impulses under control and focus them on the goal*: the entire Kennedy Family in Heaven.

Pope Francis takes a moment to pull the cord and work on quality control. 

Saints are the product in this little factory. God provides the material and power and we do our best to refine the processes and pull the cord a thousand times a day to start over. Of course, we do that with God's grace too.

I think my attraction to this book is that the author is uncovering truth.

I am fond of making the totally obvious statement: Truth is Truth. It doesn't have to be about God to be universally true (though you can argue that it is all about God, just not always so obviously).

When something is true you can apply it to many different aspects of life.

This book was about IT, but it was about life too.

My life.

That is why I liked it so much.

*By the way, The Phoenix Project was based on a book called "The Goal" which is a novel about the Theory of Constraints. Jim is reading it now and I will read it next.

"Let's Just Stop Catechizing Children!"

In Part 1 of my series of rants and ramblings on the state of religious education in the Catholic Church in America, I confessed where I was coming from and tried to explain my negative attitude while at the same time not making people in the official trenches feel hopeless. I hope I accomplished that. I also noted that I WAS in the trenches myself, and that my husband and I are catechizing our little corner of the parish the way the Church meant them to be catechized. In the home. 

So now I want to turn to what I think is actually happening in the parishes, based on my reading and observation, and maybe get to some ideas of what we might do better…or stop doing…or do over. We’ll see…

For the past 30 years at least, the way faith formation appears to work in the average parish is that we spend most of our time and resources on gathering children, as early as possible, into groups and catechizing them according to the general developmental state of that age group. Most parishes in this country use the model of the average American school, plugging in the Sacraments to the general age level that the diocese suggests: baptism = infant; Confession and Eucharist = Second Grade; Confirmation = all over the map but usually high school. Add to these programs Youth Ministry (which may be more catechetical than social, or not). 

If you look at an average Sunday bulletin, the majority of information, especially in the fall and spring, are about faith formation of children and School news. Next, we usually have all the parish ministries: lectoring, choir, social justice, pro-life ministries (which isn't always grouped in with social justice) and fellowship (I am sure there are others I am forgetting). 

We happen to be a part of a parish that has lots of opportunities for Adult faith formation, but for many parishes the least amount of time and resources appears to go to Adult education in the form of RCIA, marriage preparation, other marriage help (marriage encounter, Retrovaile). 

I decided to search out some statistics to see how this structure is working for the Church. According to statistics I found (which seem to ring true with my experience in parishes) more than half of the parishioners are not involved in any of these activities and this particular survey says that 14% are involved in "education or evangelism". I am assuming that this statistic applies mostly to people who are doing the educating and evaligizing, not receiving it. 

I also found a study quoted in this article which says that in the space of ten years there has been a 42% drop in infant baptisms, a 51% drop in adult baptism and a 45% drop in Catholic marriages. Other studies confirmed that somewhere between First Communion Preparation and Confirmation Preparation there is some drop off in attendance. And by the time those Confirmed kids get to college 85% of them have stopped going to Sunday Mass (according to the FOCUS website)

The book I reviewed last month confirmed this grim picture and especially focused on the fact that only a small percentage of those people involved in their parish life are what the author called “intentional disciples”. 

So why is this? I am sure much of it is due to the surrounding culture. Not only do we encounter immorality on TV, in popular movies and music, but we also encounter an attitude that denies objective truth and transcendent realities. The modern mind believes nothing really MEANS anything so you are free to make your own meaning. 

You could also argue that the content of our catechesis is anemic. That was certainly the case when I was growing up (though my elementary school was an exception). But, I think we have greatly improved that situation over the past 20 years. It’s not perfect, but textbooks and catechist training has greatly improved from the hippie peace, love and macramé days. 

So why are things so much worse? I would argue that the real problem is in THE WAY WE CATECHIZE. I mean the STRUCTURES used at the parish level (and driven by the diocese) to pass the Faith on to each generation. 

To begin with, we think too linearly (is that even a word?). We think we need to start with the youngest and move through the ages up to adult. If we get them when they are young, as the adage goes, we will make faithful grownups. Kinda like school. 

In a nutshell, the current model looks something like this (for the moment, I will leave aside the Catholic school aspect): 

Step 1: A child is brought for baptism and parents take a brief course/rehearsal 

Step 2: A certain percentage of those parents bring the child back at about age 6 or 7 and child is put in grade level class. They pass through a class or two and receive Eucharist and Confession. Some continue for awhile after that if there is time in the child's schedule and parent doesn't have to fight too hard to get them there.

Step 3: A certain percent of the parents who went through step 2 bring their child back in time to get Confirmation. A small percentage of those kids get involved in some youth program until High School gets too busy. 

Step 4: A HUGE percentage of the kids confirmed go to college and stop practicing their faith. 

Step 5: A fraction come back and want to get married in the church. 

Step 6: A smaller fraction of that group begin step 1 again. 

This is what the numbers show. We are no longer spinning our wheels. We are sliding backwards. 

This structure is based on the assumption that the best place to catechize the next generation is in the parish hall. And if we only had better textbooks, and thoroughly trained catechists we could transform the parish. 

And parents get this idea that it’s the job of the experts in the parish office to catechize their kids and get them ready for the sacraments. They treat the parish Faith Formation office like a school. “I hand my kids over to you and you educate them. It is my job to get them there and help them with their homework and support the school as much as I can. It is your job to do the rest.”

The problem is that the Faith is not passed on this way. Especially not to children. You don’t become an intentional disciple of Jesus Christ without a personal connection to someone who loves Him and has earned your respect. For children that is primarily their parents. 

So, I propose we need to look at the this completely differently. Parents are so crucial to the faith of the child, but we practically ignore them, especially for those early years when they are meant to be laying the foundation of faith for their young children. 

Here are my ideas: 

Focus on the core, what Blessed John Paul II called “the primordial sacrament”, marriage. The family. The parish is made up of families (not just parents with kids, but marriages without children, and adults in post-marriage (widowed), pre-marriage (single looking to marriage), broken marriage (divorced separated), or those called minister to all the others (discerning vocations, single for life, etc.). If the sacrament of marriage, as foundation of the family, is at the center then everything radiates out from there. 

One way to do this is to take advantage of threshold moments by making personal connections and providing support, social contexts and educational opportunities. 

Threshold moment #1 is the Sacrament of Matrimony. Getting married in the Catholic Church is like making a public declaration of faith in God and the intention to follow Him and His Church.* Lets take them at their word and help them make real connections to their parish. I am thinking of mentoring families (many parishes use this idea for marriage prep, so how can that carry over to the first years of marriage as well), retreats meant for newlyweds, learning opportunities, personal invitations to Mass and other liturgical events. 

Threshold moment #2 is the Sacrament of Baptism. When a couple bring their baby for baptism they are making a commitment, again, to the Catholic Faith. Lets take them at their word and begin immediately to prepare them to bring their baby to Faith. I am thinking connecting them again with mentor families, helping them to form personal, long lasting relationships with other families. Maybe classes in child development from a faith perspective. The Catechesis of the Good Shepherd comes to mind as well. 

Threshold moment #3 First Sacraments. If we have done a good job with the first two thresholds, we should have many more families ready to take this on. Those that haven’t been tuned in for the first years of their child’s life will get the idea quickly that it is their job to pass the Faith on to their child. We just need to help THEM do it. 

I know that most parishes really strive to make the parish a “family friendly” place, but I think they often miss the mark. Imagine if more parishes had frequent celebrations of the feasts and seasons of the year that were both liturgical and social, but less about entertaining kids or raising money for the school. What if every parish had a big celebration on the feast of their name saint that included a liturgy (Mass, processions, singing and decorations) as well as lots of great food (with fun connections to the saint or his life) and some entertainment for all ages (music, a play about the life of the saint)? What if other major feasts were treated in the same way—again, less about raising money and kiddie fun and more about real interaction between the grownups in the parish. 

As you can tell, I am in agreement with Joann McPortland over at Patheos when she said "Let's stop catechizing children." Of course I am in favor of children BEING catechized (as is Joann), but the current school-like format that completely absorbs all the parish funds and energies is NOT working. We need to focus on the grown-ups. 

* I have a mental blog post about this. It is tentatively called What if Getting Married in the Catholic Church was Like Joining the Marines. 

Confessions of a Catechist (Part 1)

NOTE: I wrote this a few months ago, but it sat on my computer because I wasn't sure if it was relevant. But then a firestorm was lit over at Patheos about religious education and I got my courage. This is only a part of what I wrote and it is still long. Sorry. For a list of all of the Patheos blog posts about this subject look at this post and the links at the end of it. 

I hated barbies. 

But I loved baby dolls and playing school. 

I always wanted to be a teacher.

Of course, I always wanted to be a mom too, but being a teacher was more in my control. 

So, in about my second or third year at Long Beach State I set out  to be a teacher. It worked well for me because I could basically continue my eclectic choice of classes, get a degree in "general education" and then get my teaching credential. 

My first job was as a third grade teacher in a public school. One of the big truths I learned about my role as a teacher was taught to me during my first set of parent teacher conferences in that third grade classroom. Each child in my class, with their strengths and weaknesses (as well as I could see them), their attitudes towards learning and towards me, was clearly a reflection of their parents. Each kid began to make sense when I met mom and dad. I learned that I could not overcome any learning difficulties without the super involved help of mom and dad, and I was not in any real way responsible for the learning success of my students. 

The public school experience lasted three years, then I decided to follow my new found interest in my Faith and teach at a Catholic School. There I taught second grade, which meant preparation for First Holy Communion. It was the early nineties.

This is when I first encountered the situation in parish catechesis. I had to work with the DRE (didn't even know what that meant at the time--Director of Religious Education) for the Parish. My first big battles were over Communion in the hand and the song every kid in the parish sang at their First Holy Communion. 

First, I had a student, a boy, who was known by all to be, shall we say, active. His mother felt that he would struggle to receive reverently if he was to receive in the hand. She wanted him to receive on the tongue. Final "ruling": for the sake of conformity at the First Communion ceremony, he would receive in the hand. Then he "had a choice after that". I did not agree but it wasn't my decision to make. 

Second battle: The song sung at the First Communion Mass was some song about peace that never mentioned God, let alone the Eucharist. It was a nice song, I guess. But not, in my opinion, appropriate for First Holy Communion. So, I found a song that went like this: 

I love you Jesus

And I lift my voice

To Worship you,

O my Soul, Rejoice

 

Take Joy, My King

In What you Hear

May it be a sweet, sweet, sound

In Your ear. 

(not sure where I found it and I have never heard it outside that school or my home-my kids sing that song each night as part of their bed time prayers.)

I lobbied for it and it was changed. At least as long as I was there. 

My experience at the Catholic School showed me that the Faith was not being passed on very well and I thought that clearer, more faithful textbooks were the answer. 

So I left my teaching job and headed east to Stuebenville, Ohio to get my Master's Degree in Catholic Theology and certification in Catechetics and, so I thought, to write textbooks.

There I learned my Faith the way I probably should have before I graduated from 12 years of Catholic school. With an MA hanging on my wall, I basically had an adult level understanding of the Faith. 

My teaching experience along with my catechetics training made me a perfect candidate to teach methods courses. For a year I taught undergraduate religious education majors the methods of passing on the faith. Most of these students would go into youth ministry or some sort of parish catechesis. Some would be Catholic school teachers. I really have no idea how much my teaching helped these young people since I had very little contact with anyone after that year. But I do know (from talking to my fellow graduates) that many of them would go out into parishes and feel very isolated and alone in their adherence to the Faith.

From there I went to a job as a DRE for some small Catholic Schools in another state. I was responsible for training the teachers and for helping to integrate the Faith into the daily life of the schools. 

I know we did some really good work while I was there. We came up with a written curriculum plan (I have quite a few copies left if anyone is interested) and we designed our own plan for training the teachers as catechists. Many of the teachers had very little training in teaching the Faith, their focus and experience had been teaching all the other subjects. So we had to bring their knowledge of the Faith up to at least the grade level they were teaching, with hopes of taking it further. And we had to help them distinguish between a subject that was purely academic (math, science, etc) and one that was meant to transform the learner into a true Disciple of Christ. But so many of them, like the catchists in our parishes, had been virtually unchatechized since their own sacramental preparation as a child, and did not truly understand discipleship. They were sincere in their desire to pass on the Faith, but wholly unprepared to do so. 

Over the years between getting my M.A. and being a DRE I had also done some teacher training at the diocesan level, and there I ran into a larger number of people whose real issue was not bringing Christ to the kids in their class, but their own problems with Church teaching. I often felt myself in a hostile environment, not because of the teaching methods I was passing on to them, but because of the content of the Faith they were meant to pass on.

I remember my catechectics professor saying that anyone under the age of 50 had to be entirely re-catechized. That was 15 years ago. I doubt we have successfully recatechized any significant number. 

If I sound negative, I don't mean to be. I really try to be hopeful, especially about the Church. And I was hopeful then-- excited, in love with the idea of really transforming catechesis and lighting a fire in the heart of children and their teachers.  

But I also knew what any savvy catechist knows--if the parents are not actively supporting what you are doing, you are fighting a losing battle. 

I began to see in retrospect that the only really reliable way to pass on the Faith was through the family. We succeeded in the school a little more than the parish faith formation programs simply because of time. It was a mathematical equation. 30 hours a week (in school) could not entirely counteract 168 hours (at home). It might influence it, though. Certainly, 2 hours a week (in parish religious ed) could rarely do either. Even a great parish faith formation program or a great Catholic school is a supplement. 

After I left my job at the Catholic school to get married and have children, I still had my hand in professional catechesis (not necessarily paid, just me going out and speaking or writing because I have training that other people want to legitimately tap into). I did some talks for volunteer parish catechists and a little bit of writing. 

Wherever I went, though, I ran into catechists who struggled with feelings of uselessness and hopelessness. They knew that very few of their students had the support at home to grow in their faith, and that those that did would probably be doing just as well without the CCE class--not that they didn't enjoy it, just that the family life of some was supportive in such a way as to make a 2 hour weekly class practically unnecessary. 

By the time my kids were born I had a very strong aversion to spending my time this way. I wondered why I would want to sacrifice time with my kids to plan and deliver a talk on catechetics to an audience that was either mostly un-interested (if not hostile) OR to folks that were fighting a losing battle in the trenches of parish faith formation? I thought "Sure, I could give them some hope, but someone else without small children could do that just as easily". 

So, for the past decade I have been focused on catechizing my own children. 

And for a long time now, I have had a sinking feeling in my gut that we are fooling ourselves about the success of our programs of catechesis. Now I am trying to be realistic about this one part of the institutional Church (catechetical programs) at this point in time.  

To be clear, I am not without hope. There are many things for which we can rejoice in the Church today. For example, there is a resurgence of religious vocations in some sectors. The Sisters that run the schools that I used to work for are a perfect example. Also, more and more lay folks are producing more and more great materials to facilitate conversion and help people know and understand the teachings of the Church. Perhaps this is why it is so frustrating to watch the institutional Church…the official Catholic bureaucracy...spin their wheels with the same approaches to evangelization and catechesis. 

I have had to really examine this gut feeling of the futility of the vast majority of faith formation programs. I don't like to offend people, I don't want to make someone feel hopeless about their work as a catechist. I don't want to discourage those who so generously give of their time. For me, this is not about the people who catechize; it is not about the content or in-class methodology (though those may need tons of improvement). It is about structures, "programs", bureaucracy, policies. 

In examining my thoughts and feelings about Parish catechesis programs I began to wonder about the thoughts of my former colleagues “in the trenches”. And that led me to the book I reviewed last month. But in the process of that survey of current thoughts on the subject, I began to realize that far from being “out" of the trenches for the past decade, I have been truly IN THE TRENCHES. We, my husband and I, have been experiencing catechesis of children in the way that the Church intends its. 

In the Rite of Baptism for infants, the Church has some strong words for parents: 

You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him (her) in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him (her) up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?

On your part, you must make it your constant care to bring him (her) up in the practice of the faith. See that the divine life which God gives him (her) is kept safe from the poison of sin, to grow always stronger in his (her) heart.

[Parents] will be the first teachers of their child in the ways of faith. May they be also the best of teachers, bearing witness to the faith by what they say and do 

And so we have taken our three baptized babies and made it our constant care to bring them up in the practice of the faith, guarding and growing the divine life that we ASKED the Church to instill in their souls. 

I am not claiming we have done it all right. Our kids are not saints yet, but then again neither are we. But we are working it out, in fear and trembling. And we have learned some things about bringing children to Faith. 

We have learned that we do not APPLY faith to our children like sunscreen, it is God Who moves in them. 

Our job is to help them see that God is moving in them. 

Our job is to bring them into HIs presence as often as possible (Mass, Adoration, Confession, prayer at home, recollecting Christ throughout the day, living the liturgical year)

And our job is to help them understand Who He is, why He created them and what He wants from them. In short, how to be truly happy in this life, and the next. 

None of this takes a Master's Degree in Theology or training as a catechist to do. All that does is sometimes help to answer questions without having to look them up first...sometimes. Rather, it is done through love (no one loves our kids more than we do) and grace (no one else has the grace of a sacrament--Matrimony--to help them raise our children).

Frankly, no one else is better at training our children in the practice of the Faith. 

No one but my husband and I. 

Not the RE teacher, not the DRE, not Sister Mary Wonderful, not the Pastor. 

Not even Pope Francis. 

Not even St. Francis. 

Is's All About Being Available

In my post about seeing my friends the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist,(I'll use DSMME as a short hand) I mentioned that I had stories about some of the sisters that I would share in the future.

So today, I have some fun memories of Sister Ave Maria.

But they really are a small part of a larger story--the story of my vocation. And I think my vocational journey can be helpful to other women--the singles ones--who may be still wondering about their own vocation.

When this story takes place, I was single and living in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I was working for the DSMME and though I was happy working, I was wishing I was married and having kids.

But there I was, in my mid thirties and still single.

Although I had wanted to be married with children since I was a child, it didn't seem to be happening for me. I found myself doubting that marriage was my vocation. Maybe I was called to religious life?

I could see how my current career lent itself to that vocation. I could just dedicate my whole life to teaching and catechesis. I could see the positives in that vocation--both the grand spiritual positives, and the down-to-earth, everyday positives. You know, things like never having to decide what to wear again; having someone else decide where you should go and what you should do (a Mother Superior); having lots of happy cheerful sisters to live with.

All that being said, my heart just wasn't there. And I was afraid it was because I wasn't willing to listen to God. I thought that all those other women wanting to join the Sisters were just braver than me. I was too chicken.

I wanted someone else to tell me what to do. Maybe a priest or Mother Assumpta could tell me? But, as a wise friend pointed out at the time, God calls YOU to your vocation, not someone else. If He wants you there, He will tell you.

And He did.

As I said in a previous blog post, I was very deftly prayed into a discernment retreat by Sr. Joseph Andrew. It just happened to be the same retreat that Sr. Ave Maria (still named Molly then) attended. At the time, she was living in a small house next door to the school where I was working and where the retreat would take place. We knew each other socially and had lots of friends in common. So, naturally we were drawn to each other, talking before the retreat began.

It turns out we both had similar attitudes about the retreat. We weren't necessarily looking forward to it.  I think we both felt like insiders (locals) who, because of that, felt like outsiders--all the other girls came from all over the country and were camping out there at the school, while Molly and I knew all the Sisters, knew the school and local community and were spending the night of the retreat at Molly's house next door.

We also were both there a little reluctantly. We both felt like we were mostly being loyal, going because we were invited, not really because we WANTED to.

So, we bonded over our similar situations and that bonding turned into playing hooky---sort of.

That night, while everyone else was enjoying the silence and peace of sleeping one room away from Jesus, present in the Eucharist, or adoring Him in the chapel, she and I were next door baking cookies before we hit the hay.

While we baked and ate, we talked. It turns out she had felt a call to religious life for a while, but she wasn't sure where, when, how. As I listened to her talk I began to see that she felt about religious life the way I felt about marriage. There was a deep attraction to it, along with a realistic fear of the hardships associated with that vocation. I desired married life, but I also feared bearing and raising children, the challenges of being in a life long commitment with a (then) unknown-to-me man.

As I reflected on this throughout that weekend, I began to see that many of the girls (not all) exuded a joy and anticipation--a hope--- that THIS, religious life, was THEIR calling. They were already in love with their Spouse and clearly called to a life as a consecrated Bride of Christ.

I was in love with Jesus but, as I came to realize, not called to religious life.

And that was okay. God had put a deep desire in my heart for marriage. I didn't know if I would ever find the guy. I realized that our own free will can keep us from following the path that might have been, but that God works for His Glory and the good of all even in that brokenness. At least I had much greater confidence that this was His will.

Of course, when I met Jim, that confidence was transformed to certainty. But there is no doubt that the discernment retreat was instrumental in my understanding my own vocation.

It is because of my own experience that I would encourage every single woman to make a discernment retreat. A true discernment weekend is not about joining an order. It is about opening yourself up to hearing God's call in your life. We are all called to a vocation: marriage, religious life, consecrated single life. When we put aside the fear and make ourselves available, He will speak to our hearts.

Of course, I highly recommend attending a retreat with the DSMME because I know them and I have been on one of their retreats. But, if not with them, I am sure there are others. Just be sure that it is a Christ-centered retreat--one that has Mass and opportunities for Adoration, or at least prayer time in front of a Tabernacle. I also highly recommend a silent retreat. In spite of my failure to keep silent the whole weekend of my discernment retreat, it was the silent parts which were crucial to hearing that "still, small voice".

Feel free to pass this on to any young (or not so young) single women you know.

They Let You Do That?

Anyone who homeschools can probably chronicle the crazy questions they get about their "strange lifestyle". We have gotten many questions both here and in the UK, and lots of funny looks. 

But by far the scariest, and most revealing, was the question from the grocery store check out guy in California. He asked about the kids being out of school (which I think is so odd in itself--why do they think they deserve a justification for why my kids are with me?) and when I told him that we homeschooled he looked at me in shock and said...

 "They let you do that?"

THEY let you do that?

They LET you do that? 

They let YOU do that? 

Anyway you look at it, it's frightening. 

THEY: Who are they? I presume he meant "the government". The all-powerful THEY; un-named, impersonal. In an avowed totalitarian regime (as opposed to one pretending to be something else--ahem.) he may have looked over his shoulder first, and then whispered his question. 

But instead, he looked at me shocked. 

It wasn't a question he thought about--it just came out. 

They.

LET: Whoever "they" are, they have the power to LET you do things, or not LET you do things. They apparently have the power to LET (or not LET) me make choices about my own children's best interest. THEY decide what I may do with my own children's education.

YOU: "You mean they let YOU take care of your OWN children?" Enough said. 

"But," the reasonable person says, "but what if someone wants to neglect their children, or teach them evil, subversive things!" 

We don't want that, do we? 

So we are willing to ASSUME that most parents are likely to neglect their children, or to teach them evil things. Therefore, THEY have to take control. 

• Set up schools that will raise kids the RIGHT way. [common schools/public schools]
• Demand require compel parents to bring their children to the government schools. [compulsory education]
• Allow the parents to bring their children to other schools only if they are approved by the government. [accredited private schools]

Does this sound crazy to anyone else? 

Am I the only one who shivers in fear when someone asks a question like that? 

This reminds me of a story.

When I was an undergrad at CSULB in southern California I had a night class. I was a commuter and drove from my parents home about 40 minutes away. The campus was pretty big and the walk from class to your car could be quite a ways…in the dark. It didn't always feel very safe. At the time they had a program where you could call security from a campus phone and ask for an escort--a male volunteer who would walk you safely to your car. When I was told this, my first response was "How do I know I can trust the escort?"

EXACTLY.

Apparently, most parents will fail to provide a good education for their children so we must require them, by law, to turn their children over to the government appointed educators, who, by their very nature will care more for the future of the children than their own parents. 

Hmmm.....

And how have these people earned the right to be of such great influence in the lives of children? 

THEY (the government) say that the teachers are good, and the school is good, so therefore, it must be true. 

The assumption is that parents will tend to be a bad influence on their kids and the government will tend to be a good influence. 

I never thought like this before. I used to be one of those teachers---I was a good one, approved by all the right people. And I sincerely worked to help my students learn what I was told they needed to learn. I loved them---it was a love inferior to their parent's love for them, but it was love. 

But from the moment my first child was born I began to see "the authorities" 

(the first one being the medical community--soon to be a real branch of the government) 

as a threat to my child, and to my relationship with my child. I was immediately struck (and frightened) by the fact that THEY had to LET me take my baby home from the hospital. MY BABY!!

This is not my first baby. By the time this little redhead came along I was a bit more savvy. 

We couldn't wait to get her home. And since that day we have made decisions about our family that are entirely our own. 

We treat THEM (the government), and all their related THEY's with great suspicion. We read forms that we sign at the doctors office more and more carefully. We watch laws and lawmakers and how they couch all of their rhetoric about "the best interest of the children". 

I am so happy to live in a country in which I am free to choose my religion as I see fit, free to school my children as I see fit, free to eat what I want, free to move from place to place according to my own understanding of what is best for me and my loved ones, free to work hard and make all the money I want, free to give some of that money to the charity I want, free to spend the rest on whatever I want. 

But I fear that we may lose all of this freedom. The grocery man's question frightened me because, in his ignorance, he ASSUMED that I wasn't in charge of my children's education. 

In how many other areas of life does he (and other like him) assume the government should take care of things? What other freedoms is he (and others like him) willing to give up? 

Let's wake up folks! Let's not be the proverbial frogs in the pot of boiling water. 

Okay?

Okay.
Nuff said. 

  

7 Quick Takes: The Desperate for Something to Blog About Edition

--- 1 ---

When I asked 7yo A what I should blog about, she said I should blog about "the most beautiful doll in the world", which she recently discovered at the bottom of a pile of other (more expensive) dolls and doll paraphernalia in the window seat of her room. 

She has been gushing over this doll for a whole day now. I think she is going through a "girly-girl" stage of some sort--her stuffed animals have been having romances and weddings and children all week. 

--- 2 ---

Speaking of A, I found this list of quotes from her in my drafts email folder:

May 3, 2012 

" I am going to make a paper earthquake to destroy my sins. And then get monsters to attack them"

March 17 2013 "Saying sorry is like leaves blowing in the wind" as a reason for not saying sorry.

April 12, 2013 "Do bullets kind of look like cigarettes?" (this was followed by shocked looks of wonder from her parents---what has she been watching on TV???)

April 12 2013 

Me: "Stand quietly, like you are ready for your First Holy Communion"

Her: "Yes, but did you know that a giraffe can clean his nose with his tongue?"

April 2013

"If aliens were real what would their bandages be made out of?"

Life with A is always interesting. 

--- 3 ---

When it comes to eating healthy, I follow the 80/20 rule. For instance, this week I have had a donut, a pastry from Starbucks (okay, maybe two), multiple servings of ice cream, multiple cups of homemade chicken broth, daily tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar, daily cups of Potato Peeling Broth, fresh ginger, several salads and some other regular food.

The problem is, I am not always sure if the HEALTHY is the 80 part, or the 20 part. 

--- 4 ---

Oh no, I am only on #3!! This blogging everyday is hard. I am not sure I have that many things to say!

--- 5 ---

This is almost an entirely A post today...but I had to talk about A's pet. Yesterday, she found a little snail on a log, named it Mushroom and made a little plate with grass and stuff. Then she checked him at least every 10 minutes until we left the house. Well, when we got home, he was gone and she was devastated. She looked for him all afternoon.

Just now, she was telling our pest control guy to "watch out for a little black snail with a little scratch on his shell, which he got before I caught him cause I didn't hurt him, and don't let him die, okay?"

Luckily, he is an easy going guy, and didn't feel pressured to save her pet. He cheerfully reassured her that the snail was underground by now, hiding from the heat. So, no worries, he says, she will probably see him in the fall when it gets cool again.

I am positive we will be dealing with this snail drama in two months again.  

--- 6 ---

In the spirit of simplicity, which is the latest fad in the mommy blogger world, I have distilled my homeschool curriculum plans down to this:

Step 1: Read books.
Step 2: Talk about them.
Step 3: Repeat

--- 7 ---

OOOHHHH NOOOOO! Now what do I write? Quick take...quick take....Ah!

I am going to go on a date with my husband today. It is always weird to say that because we don't think of ourselves as ever having dated. We met virtually, we met in reality, he courted me, we got engaged, we got married.

Now we date.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!